Hearts in Halves



 hearts in halves

 episode four of this war of mine

 — windpaw

"Dappleface's condition has stabilized, but I'm afraid I can't say the same for Brightstar."

Leopardheart's words haunt me. Those words won't go away. They just keep echoing through my mind over and over again. Even worse, Leopardheart doesn't know what these two are suffering from. All that knowledge on herbs and sickness, and she can't even figure out what this weird thing is. So of course, she left for the Tidepath at sunset to speak with StarClan. Alone.

Now I'm laying in my nest, unable to fall asleep.

Every now and then I glance over at the two unconcious cats to see if they're still breathing. Then I'd be relieved that I wouldn't have to report a death to the Clan and relax. And then I'd tense up again as if someone just died, but no. No one died.

I heave a sigh and roll onto my side. Leopardheart told me to get some rest, but I wasn't sure if I could after everything that's happened. Brightstar tries to start a war between TideClan and GorseClan, then passes out in front of Sootstar and two Clans.

Two cats, the highest ranks in the Clan. Both unconcious. The newest warrior in the Clan. Likely has an infected wound. I overheard some cats say it was only a coincidence. Sure, if it was only one, that would be a coincidence. But one after another is...

I abruptly stand and hurry outside, feeling cramped in the medicine cats' den. With three cats to keep watch over, it gets pretty stressful. In the center of the clearing stands Moonfur. She looks apprehensive, but I can't blame her. There's the possibility of a GorseClan ambush after how Brightstar tried to start a fight with them.

But Sootstar's a better leader than that. He wouldn't dare start any battles out of the blue.

His deputy Shadowstrike, on the other hand...

I heave a sigh and duck back inside the den. I settle into my nest and fall into a restless sleep.

~*~*~

The chatter of multiple voices surrounds me, and I struggle to hear what they're saying. Every time I concentrate on one voice, another practically shrieks right into my ear and I lose focus. Over their heads, I can see that we're all crowded in a forest - it seems like GorseClan's territory, but why are we here? What are we doing?

I recognize some of these cats - their fur is much duller, but I can tell who they are. Leopardheart, Dappleface, and Brightstar are closer to me, and each one of them has a blank look on their face as they mutter nonsense.

Leopardheart's words, which had been said extremely quickly, now slowed. But every now and then, her words would cut off and be said again, in the exact same tone. "Every-y-y-one... they're all... all going t-t-t-to d--" Before she could finish, she fell forward. Her pelt was completely drained of color. As soon as she hits the ground, the grass under her paws melts away to reveal... the color black. Nothing's there, yet it seems like that pitch darkness is an endless void.

Suddenly she just... evaporates. All that's left is a dark line where her throat was.

I yelp in surprise and scramble back. I bump into something and whip around to see a small, blank-faced FloodClan cat. Their eyes are pure white, and their pelt is a dull russet. They're talking, but I can't understand what they're saying. Then they fall forward, like Leopardheart had, and melt into thin air.

Glancing around wildly, I see that the same thing is happening to many cats. They fall forward and evaporate into mist.

The voices gradually fade into silence as the cats disappear, until I'm the only one left. I crouch down, my eyes wide in horror, as the last cat disappears. Everything is deathly silent, and pitch black surrounds me. The only light is a frail, silvery beam of light shining down on me from above. I can feel my breathing quicken, and I wail, "Where is everyone? Come back! Please!"

I realize I'm crying like a lost kit, but I can't help it. I'm about to panic. I hate being alone, I hate being alone, I hate... being alone... I...

A figure appears in front of me. It looks like a cat, but I can't scent anything. The cat stands and slowly pads over to me, its thin tail low to the ground. The strange cat's narrowed eyes are a dark ocean blue, and I almost feel entranced by them.

The cat stops in front of me, and the light reveals that it has a short, dark russet pelt and white forelegs. It blinks, as if it's curious, then it speaks. "I apologize for scaring you." Its voice is surprisingly calming, and I feel like a kit again, being comforted by its mother.

I'm too choked up to reply, so instead the cat continues. "I wish that I didn't have to pass this message to you." it says with a regretful sigh. "How should I put this...?" It's silent for so long I almost thought it forgot what it was doing. Then the cat looks at me and mews, its tone serious, "There will be a death very soon. That death will be followed by another, and another, and another. Feeling despair will become routine. Witnessing deaths will become routine.

"Whatever you do, you can't give up. If you give up, your despair will end in that moment." Then, with those words, the cat turns to walk away.

"What's your name?" I manage to choke out.

The cat stops and looks back at me. Its dark eyes close for a moment, then reopen. "I can't tell you my real name. But, for the time being, you can call me Trance."

~*~*~

I jolt awake. As I scramble to sit up, I look over to Brightstar and Dappleface. Brightstar's flank is rising and falling faintly, but the spotted fur of Dappleface is...

I freeze. My voice near a shriek, I yowl, "Where's Dappleface!?"

From where he lays at the back of the den, Robinsong weakly mews, "She woke up and went outside." As if talking exhausted him, he drops his head back to his paws.

I quickly stand and almost trip over my own paws going outside. As soon as I step outside, I see my Clanmates crowding around something. Their voices are raised in either confusion or joy. I hurriedly march over to them and hiss, "What's going on?"

"Dappleface is awake!" Blackpaw responds happily, looking back at me.

I lash my tail. "Everyone, get away from her!" I yowl angrily. Silence spreads over the clearing as the cats back away from Dappleface, some throwing me hateful glares.

"Dappleface," I hiss, stalking over to the she-cat. "Why are you out of your nest?"

The calico blinks, like she's confused. "Because I'm the deputy. I have to look after my Clan."

"Not when you've just regained consciousness!" I protest. "Grab something to eat if you're hungry and get back to the den."

Stretching her forelegs, Dappleface mumbles, "It's really cramped in there, and my legs are stiff." I'm not sure if that was a statement or a protest. Then she snaps, "You can't tell me what to do, apprentice!"

"I'm a medicine cat!" I hiss back, my fur bristling. "And as your medicine cat, I order you to go back and rest!"

"I don't need anymore rest! I was asleep for weeks, you mouse-brain!" Dappleface snarls.

''Weeks? It's only been a few days...'' Before I can say that, she turns and storms away, disappearing through the bramble tunnel. No one dares to speak; the clearing is completely silent. I glance around at their shocked faces, then follow Dappleface outside.

"Dappleface, come back!" I call out, but she doesn't respond. She seems to run faster, and I hiss in annoyance.